The Irresistible Spiral
The mind is brilliant and full of potential. It has the ability to form so much meaning into our life and is ever evolving. The only species that is able to reason may never fully know how detrimental these very abilities can be if not used wisely and within limits. Overthinking, the most common behavior for those with anxiety disorders, stems from the basic quality of being able to interpret & examine life. Unfortunately, it is a lethal weapon that can cause the highest distress over the most miniscule of matters. Let’s talk to Mr. X today.
So X, why do you exist? How do you manage to disrupt the happiness in my life? Why are you chasing my every thought? Can’t some things just be black & white and not have a reason, consequence and an explanation?
Well, I am what you made me. I was just a thought that grew out of proportion. I was just checking in whether you got everything to stay safe and deal with uncertain situations in the best possible way. When someone or something hurts you, I want to make sure you don’t feel it’s all on you so I do my best to give you enough options to choose from. But the unfortunate thing is you end up believing all of them, even though to be completely honest, in most situations not one of them is actually factual. And of course, the reason I grew into this over hovering voice in you is because of all your ‘why’s’. You question me, so I deliver. And the only answers I can give you are from your subconscious; your reasoning which is embedded so deep within.
Although I live as a crucial part of you, I wonder why you need me?
Most days you work on auto-pilot and let the flow of life guide you. The days you doubt your capabilities are the days which are the hardest on you, and even you know it.
You don’t need to do those calculations and try to pre-plan all your days, and sometimes even hours. But then again, the fact that you feel the need to is what gives me fuel to fire out and exist so overwhelmingly in your life.
So when your existence only leads to more of you in the future, why do I end up calling out to you? What should I do?
It’s not really something you achieve; just really a sense of reassurance. All these measures you take are your ways of ensuring that you are prepared for the countless possibilities in your day. Unfortunately, you and I both know that there is no way of being prepared for what is uncertain. Your day can be anything and everything; positive or negative but continuously predicting how you would respond or feel to each and every detail of your prospective day or anticipated event, is always going to be anxiety-inducing. So really in the efforts of making yourself feel more secure, you end up making yourself realize that in fact the beauty of each day or the future is that it is uncertain and unpredictable. The only way to be prepared is to first, be optimistic and second, be confident in the acceptance and contentment of whatever the outcome may be. And even if the outcome is not so desirable, knowing how you feel is always in your control; no matter how many things have the ability to impact those emotions, your emotional state is always evolving and reliant on the self.